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  • Writer's pictureCurlyologist

Why Can’t I Get That Tousled Hairstyle?

Updated: Apr 17, 2023

Many times I am asked, “How come I can’t have the tousled hair look where the hair is touchable?”  Well ladies, let me start by asking you a few questions.

1. In the shower, do you like to lather your hair with shampoo suds until it is whipped up like a dessert topping?  The more suds the merrier, right?

2. After shampooing, do you saturate the hair with conditioner attempting to add body and to repair dry ends?  Darn it, those ends are really bad!

3. Do you reach for the gel before styling?  Man it takes a long time to get that gel off my hands, I wonder why?

4. How about that brush you paid so much for?  You know the one that has the special shape and bristles for “your” type of hair but you are not really sure how to use it?  Isn’t this suppose to give me that look I had when I left the salon?

5. Are you set out on a mission while blow-drying to make sure the hair is toasty, straight, and flat?  Now it’s time for hot rollers or a curling iron, right?

6. Don’t forget the last step.  Do you top it all off with an expensive finishing spray that promises workability while insuring all day hold?  Yet all day, you hope you don’t brush past someone for fear of scratching them with your hair?

Now how can your hair move freely after all the things you’ve just told it to do?  That fresh tousled look doesn’t come from over managing the process or micro managing your hair!  Let’s try to do it a different way.


Getting that naturally tousled, touchable hairstyle begins with finding a professional stylist who can offer recommendations based on your type of hair.  If you ever sit in a stylist’s chair and are asked, “What can I do for you?”  RUN!  It is the job of the professional stylist to evaluate your hair, scalp, and lifestyle; and to make competent recommendations about different styles that will suit you.  Once you have found that person, then the process of creating that natural tousled look begins.


Step 1:  Start with the right cut.  A great haircut is the foundation of any great hairstyle.  You can’t expect repeatability in a hairstyle if you are constantly trying to force the hair to do something that the cut isn’t supporting.  Remember the list of questions I asked?  

Step 2:  Use the right combination of products and “learn”how to use them effectively.  Don’t be afraid to ask your stylist questions if you aren’t confident about something.  

Step 3:  Don’t be tempted to over indulge in the shower.  Not all shampoos create lather as a benchmark to determine how clean the hair gets.  A small amount is usually all that is needed for a routine shampoo.  Remember too, that not all hair needs conditioning after every shampoo.  Chemically processed hair or naturally dry hair requires more conditioning but fine hair and normal to oily hair does not!  Those types of hair need hydration.  This is where the right product becomes critical to achieving a repeatable style.  

Step 4:  When styling, pay close attention to the direction you blow dry.  If the hair needs to be blown dry to build volume, it has to be done gently and evenly over the whole head, otherwise you run the risk of creating a false cowlick.  No brush is necessary, use only fingers to guide the hair.  The only time a brush is needed is when you are “directing” the hair into something specific that it wouldn’t normally do on it’s own.  This goes back to the cut.  If the cut is right, the hair should fall naturally without direction from a brush.

Step 5:  If your hair needs a setting spray, use a light hold product that offers workability while giving you just enough hold to keep the hair touchable.


It is that simple ladies.  The less you try to over manage the hair, the more likely you will be successful at creating a gorgeous natural looking hairstyle again and again.  You can do it!  All you need is a little professional guidance from the right stylist and the right combination of products and techniques to recreate beautiful, touchable hair.


Mona Harb


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